3 October 2007

Gary Miller & Craig Watson
August 2007

Whilst sitting in the John Snow pub in Soho one Saturday afternoon we had quite possibly the stupidest, but most exciting, idea we had had in quite a while… Why not cycle from Lands End to John o'Groats.

Land's End to St Austell
We make an early excitable start at Land's End. The place has been transformed from an area of once rugged beauty into a crass privately owned theme park. The day's ride is a gentle introduction to the journey as we cycle along the southern coastline.

St Austell to Morehampstead
Our route leaves the coast and strikes inland across the wilds of Dartmoor. After a tough day of steep ascents, descents, and stunning views we reach the quiet village of Morehampstead and go to bed to the sound of an approaching storm.

Morehampstead to Street
We wake to the depressing sound of rain and wind. We have a tough start due to constant rain and gruelling hills. Though as we leave behind Dartmoor the landscape gradually relents and the weather improves.

Street to Stroud
The morning brings more rain, and we begin to despair of the so-called British summer. We reach our day's destination in the early afternoon and make the mistake of settling down for food and drink without checking how far away our B&B is. It ends up being located 5 mile up an extremely wet and windy hill!

Stroud to Ironbridge
A pleasant afternoon's ride through the Severn Valley and Worcestershire leads us to the beautiful town of Ironbridge, and the catalyst that started the Industrial Revolution. Once again our accommodation is on top of a very long hill!

Ironbridge to Warrington
We cover the day's ride in good time due to fine weather and the gently rolling landscape and reach the 'glamorous' town of Warrington where we stay with the conference goers at the DeVere Hotel in a bleak out of town business park. We may be staying in a business park, but it's a business park with a spa and sauna; and we spend the rest of the day alternating between the spa and the bar.

Warrington to Kirkby Lonsdale
We wake up in Warrington feeling slightly melancholic, although I'd imagine that's a common symptom for people in Warrington. The day's ride takes us through the contrasting landscapes of Wigan, Blackburn, the Forest of Bowland, and the Yorkshire Dales. The Dales prove to be the most testing part of the entire trip due to the atrocious rain, strong headwind and heavy mist. To us it's the most desolate place in the world. Even the cows seem slightly depressed by the weather. The trip seemed a good idea in the pub… By the sheer number of Fig rolls eaten we make it through to the Cumbrian village of Kirkby Lonsdale.

Kirkby Lonsdale to Dufton.
We cycle through the North York moors in a day of constant rain and oppressive greyness. We pass through a military training area, pass target tanks, burnt out jeeps, and mock siege houses. It proves a surreal part of the journey. At last we enter Scotland. Early festivities soon grind to a halt though when we realise the depressing reality of life in Gretna. What a place to begin your married life. After wandering around the 'tourist distraction' of the smithy and blacksmiths' shop for half an hour we retire to our B&B to watch Deal or No Deal, a far more entertaining way to spend time in Gretna.

Gretna to Cumnock
We leave Gretna and skirt along the Solway Firth and through the Scottish Lowlands. It ends up being quite a long day cycling, not helped by the afternoon's grey skies and drizzle. Our night's accommodation is a working farm outside of Cumnock. The farmer's daughter kindly gives us a lift to the 'nearest' pub, some 10 miles away, and we have our well earned pint.

Cumnock to Ardlui
We cross the Erskine Bridge over Glasgow and continue along the shores of beautiful Loch Lomond. The weather in Scotland is un-typically good, with clear blue skies and glaring sun. It's days like this that make us realise what a great experience it has been so far.

Ardlui to Loch Lochy
Today the much-maligned Scottish midge finally appears…but as the lady in the B&B says 'only the Scottish are scared of midges.' I believe we call them knats in England. We cycle through the beautiful Glen Coe, through Fort William, and reach our night's accommodation in the Loch Lochy Youth Hostel; unfortunately we're sharing a dorm full of snoring men.

Loch Lochy to Dingwall
A leisurely day takes us along Loch Lochy, Loch Oich, and finally Loch Ness where we're overtaken by a low flying fighter plane on training manoeuvres.

Dingwall to Helmsdale
We cycle along the scenic coast to reach Helmsdale in the early afternoon, and spend the afternoon relaxing in the pub watching rugby and reading The Guardian. We get an early night in preparation for our final day of cycling, in bed by 7.00pm!

Helmsdale to John o'Groats
We make an early start and are on the road by 6am, excited to reach our destination. Although the day's ride is only 60 miles it proves a testing one as we struggle against bitter side winds and constant hills. Although the early morning views of the rising sun over the coast make it all worthwhile.

A mix of jubilation and disappointment comes over us as we ride into John o'Groats. Jubilation as the journey has finally reached a conclusion but there is the anticlimax that accompanies the completion of the trip. We have the obligatory photo by the signpost, for which we're charged £12 for, and then we're in the pub for the celebratory drink. It was a great experience and was great fun, it sure beats sitting on a beach slowly getting burnt.

Overall we biked 995 miles, in around 72 hrs. We ate roughly 75 bananas (more than 1 per hour cycling!) and I personally ate about 7 packets of fig rolls!

It's an unbeatable way to see the country - in fact every metre of the country. Whenever you go it will probably be the wettest month of the year. You don't need to be super fit, if you do Shidokan you'd be fit enough already!

But you will need a well-built light fast bike that will last the journey, a good bed at the end of the day, a large wallet, and a liking for porridge, bananas, and fig rolls!

At the end of the day it makes you appreciate the basics in life: a cup of tea, a comfy bed, hot food and a pint of beer.